What according to you makes a good man?
Is it someone who makes a lot of money?
Is it someone who has a lot of university degrees?
Is it someone who has a lot of social media followers?
Yesterday I had a first date with a 35 year old man. We had been virtually connected for a few weeks, and finally our schedules aligned and we met in person!
Sometimes dating is hard, when you have to pretend to be someone else just so that you are liked by the person in front of you! Through overcoming my dating addiction, I now know what not to do! I do not pretend to be someone or something other than myself. I do my best to always remain authentic.
Coming back to Francis, the 35 year old, recently divorced man that I met and connected with face to face. As our planned 30 minute conversation was coming to an end, we just couldn’t stop talking— and as both a researcher and a writer, I couldn’t stop listening to him answer my questions! People fascinate me and their stories always teach me something new. Our conversation flowed naturally; there was friendship and trust even before we met. Our 30 minutes turned into 60 minutes and then 90 minutes had passed!
As we kept talking about the digital take over of dating, the commercialization of our emotions, and how challenging it is to meet people on a similar frequency, Francis pauses suddenly, then says: “Because I already trust you, I think I can share something that not many people know about me.”
I replied: “Please, go ahead.”
Francis: “I am really ashamed to admit it but I cheated on my wife! I am not proud of it, but I was a horny 30 year old man, I was unable to deny my need for sex. Even though we were not having sexual intercourse, I loved her, I did not want to leave her, but I couldn’t accept to not have sex anymore! The desire for sexual connection was more than my love for my wife! I am so embarrassed to share this with you, but I still struggle with the shame, even after being divorced.”
Me: “Thank you for sharing, I understand and no, I do not judge you at all.”
This conversation with Francis is what prompted this post:
Why do we shame our men for their sexual desires? Rather, why do we shame people for their sexual desires? Does someone who cheats on their partner become a bad person? (Cheating can be more than sexual, including emotional cheating).
Before we go in search of the qualities of a good man, let’s talk about good and bad —
Is there any good and bad in the spiritual world? My research and deep connection with the infinite power within says no, there is no judgement!
Only human beings judge others, as judgement keeps toxic shame alive and toxic shame keeps people at a low frequency!
As a woman, I am grateful that Francis trusted me enough to share this intimate story! I in turn provided him a safe space to be himself! So what makes a man feel safe to be himself? A place, a connection, where each of us can express, share, and care without fear of judgement and shame!
I can tell you what makes a good person—
supporting other people without judgement.
Remember, our judgement of others is just a reflection of ourselves!
So what according to you makes a good man?
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